Sunny Days in DC

Jack of All Trades, Master of 3-ish.

Your Ten Month Old Daughter is a Whore, and No I’m Not Overreacting (and other tales of mommyhood).

on October 3, 2013

Ahh Ireland. Everyone kept telling me we were having abnormally beautiful weather, what with my being able to see the sky and all. Now it seems we have returned to “the new norm” for me, and the plain ol’ regular shite weather for everyone else around here. Interestingly enough, too, there is NOTHING to do in my neighborhood with a toddler on a rainy day. It’s like they’ve never experienced the combination of children + rain. It’s Ireland, y’all…. that’s pretty much the only two things people think when they think of this country! RAIN, AND BREEDING. Well, and Guinness… ok. Three things.

So, that leaves me with a bored toddler.

Image

*Where’s the government funding to end bored toddlers, you guys??*

So naturally, I accosted every mom, mum, nanny, and child-minder I could find until someone begged me to leave them alone came up with an idea. IKEA has several play centers in their Dublin shop, so why not try that?

You know why not? BECAUSE OTHER PARENTS BRING THEIR KIDS, TOO. Parents with little blond girls that come up to my son and kiss him and try to throw him down on the wee little “KRITTER” beds or whatever they are. Listen other parents, yeah, your toddlers are cute, but I’m too young to be a grandmother yet. Handle your women-folk.

 

Also, our downstairs neighbor hates us, because Max gets up at 6:30am and decides it’s time to throw things on the ground as HARD as he can. HA HA HA… YOU MAY NOT HAVE CHILDREN, DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOR WHO THOUGHT SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THEY NIGHT, BUT YOU GET TO EXPERIENCE MOMMYHOOD, TOO!!

To be fair, I do almost everything I can (short of duct tape, because those abuse charges are a BITCH to get expunged) to keep him quiet in the mornings. I am a fairly respectful person. But she screamed seven different kinds of f* bombs at Max the other day from inside her apartment, so now the living room is filled with all the fucks that I don’t give. FILLED, I SAY!!

Also, for those wondering, the Guinness IS pretty good here. Come visit!

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7 responses to “Your Ten Month Old Daughter is a Whore, and No I’m Not Overreacting (and other tales of mommyhood).

  1. Can’t imaging trying to keep a child quiet. Better to give the old bat some ear plugs or a bottle of Jameson. Good post (aren’t they all)

  2. ekgo says:

    Did you pay the little girl afterward? If not, then SHE IS NOT A WHORE! Why can’t anyone use that word correctly? She is a slut. Not whore. Whore is an occupation, slut is a hobby.

    Soooo…have you considered fishing? There should be plenty of puddles all around. Just tie a string to a stick and dangle it in water. Fun!
    Also, I don’t understand what the hang up is with putting duct tape on a kid and shoving the kid into a closet. People are so fussy over the silliest things.

  3. Now that the downstairs BITCH has taken the time to expel all those F BOMBS about a sweet little baby it might be time to hand him some pots and spoons to bang away by at least 6AM every single day! What a BITCH! Don’t hold him back from making all the noise that bitch can handle now! What a jerk!
    You know if I was close her and I would be having one hell of a conversation about her language referring to a sweet baby! Since I’m not close by I’ll have to settle for giving her the finger from afar!
    I love you sweet girl and I hate that the clouds are hanging over your head! Big hugs and all my love!

  4. He’s just a normal little boy! Little boys move around and are loud. It’s what they do – it’s their job. It’s developmental.
    My kid NEVER took naps ..I was lucky to get 15 min break with a day that started at 5:30 am.We took a lot of very very long walks outdoors and looked at stuff – but your climate prevents that. Probably don’t have a mall either – you see parents there early as soon as the door opens trying to tire kids out.
    How about playdough or clay? those are very calming.(you can make your own playdough)
    A tub of dried beans or rice to shift pour and mush around in with paper/plastic cups and spoons? Set the kid with bin in a flat wide box or baby swimming pool to keep (some) of the mess in one spot.
    HAng in there. He’s a kid. Learning isn’t quiet

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