I get it. I do. September is Suicide awareness month, and also the Bloggess (if you REALLY needed that link, you are a naughty little blogger indeed!) has written something on it, and I believe everyone’s favorite terrifying Le Clown may have touched on the topic as well. So I understand. Most people don’t blog because their lives are SO amazing that they feel the need to share the awesome with the rest of the world, though I hope some folks do.
I personally started this blog because I needed an outlet for my rage and pain. I had actually written to the Bloggess at this point in my life, and told her how fucked up everything was for me, and how I didn’t know what to do. I had a new baby, and absolutely zero way to financially provide for him.
“That’s nothing!” you might say to yourself, but we all have our own demons, and mine looks a lot like poverty.
So here is my token Suicide post:
Don’t. Just don’t. Suicide solves nothing and it ends nothing, other than the opportunity for things to get better.
At my darkest, I thought my son might be better off without me. A little voice whispered in my ear, “but what if he needs you later on, and you’re not there?”
You may think no one does, but SOMEONE needs you. Don’t take yourself away from them.
So far, you have a 100% win rate of surviving shitty days. That’s a pretty fucking awesome track record. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m her. Legit. I am. The Bloggess was there for me, so I am paying that shit forward. I’ll even give you my Irish cell phone number, and you can call me in the middle of the night, because I have a toddler so I’m always up anyway! I’ll tell you stories about how I cluck like a chicken and moo like a cow in the playground to make my son laugh, and how other moms will back away slowly from me. Good times.
So there you go. I’m gonna have some chocolate now.
#FuckDepression
Sunny Days in DC 
That was a brave, awesome post. It’s dark in Ireland in the winter and I do mean DARK. Like dark at 3 p.m. like night fall. So that goes both ways on the suicide watch!
Thanks. I actually found the first half of your comment kinda funny, because I don’t think ME talking about depression is brave. For some others, probably. I know The Bloggess wrestles her demons on the regular. For me, I don’t mind talking about it.
… probably because I’m Jewish and have been in therapy since I can remember. 😉
It’s always brave to be honest. You don’t give yourself enough credit.
I worry more about the moms who back away from you because you’re quacking and mooing. I mean, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with kids? And animals? And just in general?
I’m glad you started your blog. And I’m glad you’re here. Because even though I’m a mere stalker, you’re a good, solid pinpoint in my life. And that probably sounds weird to you, much like mooing and quacking apparently does to Irish moms, but for me…I need to have my pinpoints. Touchstones. Reminders that there are other people out there and I’m not alone even when I feel like I am.
That’s not weird. One day I’ll write a post about how much I hate twitter, but essentially I get on there, and it’s like millions of people just screaming into a room. People aren’t talking TO each other, and except for some very rare cases, they aren’t even saying anything interesting. Myself included. But blogging, particularly with people who leave comments… it feels like a conversation. I feel like we all get to know each other, even if in a somewhat superficial (or maybe it’s MORE intimate than we would in real life!) way. So, I get it. And I agree.
moo, muthafukka.
Thanks for the post and your generous offer. I’m okay, but tomorrow may be a different story.
Well, I’m here anyway. :-*
Although they are fewer and farther between, I have faced demons such as these. The one thing I have (thankfully) noticed is the length of stay is shorter and the time between visits is longer. But when they hit, they are scary as shit. Like I am NEVER gonna grow up. Honestly, I think it’s the single solitary reason I have not ever had kids…how can I raise a human when I sometimes struggle to BE a human?!?