Sunny Days in DC

Jack of All Trades, Master of 3-ish.

FUCK A BOX! I WANT A PILLOW FORT!!!

on April 4, 2013

So, first I was sick, then Passover, which meant that I didn’t have a lot of time to blog. The world was a little sadder for it, no? (Hint: Yes.)

Anyway, while I was away, a brand new realm of fuckery emerged, and called itself the ridiculous debate over the Jew in a Box exhibit. During my lunch hour, my coworker and I went to our cafeteria, and I was subjected to a FULL HOUR of images being flashed at me from CNN debating exactly how offensive this exhibit is. You know how offensive?

Zero. Zero motherfucking offense should be taken by this shit.

Guess what my blog is? It’s a box. Guess what every Black student who goes to a predominantly White school is in: a box. When you are different, when you come from a subculture or just a different culture, and you expose yourself to the majority and allow them to poke and prod at you, you are in a motherfucking box; it’s only that the borders are harder to see.

For example: I am KEENLY aware that many people I will meet during my life down here in Maryland may never have met another Jew. So… if I’m a bitchy little cunt (well, if I act that way AWAY from my blog), then it’s possible that someone who has never met another Jew will think, “Wow. All Jews are bitchy!” So, yes. Fucking put someone in a box, have people ask questions, and have the Jew answer. Why not? We do the same thing with animals at the zoo, and people learn a SHIT ton. I’m not entirely sure what the fucking problem here is, OTHER than the fact that it’s a lame ass box. I mean, seriously, look at this nonsense:

Image

*”Why do all Joos look like Uncle Fester, mommy?”*

Right. Your box offends me! I want something better! Something bolder! Don’t oppress me with your lame ass clear plastic shit! Just compare that with THIS:

Image

YES. YES, DO THIS!!! The worst part about that exhibit is WHY ISN’T THE JEW IN A GIANT PILLOW FORT?! OMG! Don’t even lie and tell me that you wouldn’t COMPLETELY respect a group of people who were like, “You wanna learn about us? Cool. But you gotta crawl through the floppy tunnel, and hang a left at the orange bed sheet.” YES YOU WOULD!! It would be a JEW-FORT. A “Jort”? (Yup, Jort is a word now, people. Catch the fever.) 

Fuck this noise; I am writing to the Smithsonian here in DC and telling them to one-up Germany. EDUCATION!!!!!!!

Anyway, so that happened while I was gone. What’s going on with you? What did I miss?

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52 responses to “FUCK A BOX! I WANT A PILLOW FORT!!!

  1. Cannot. Stop. Laughing. Pillow fort under construction currently.

  2. The pillow fort is wwwwaaaaayyyy better!

  3. I didn’t know there was a Jew in a box. Can you ask him questions? And yes, they should have picked a hairier Jew. That Jew is an inaccurate representation! We are a hairy people.

    • H. Stern says:

      Yeah, so that’s the whole point. The point is that a bunch of people there have never met Jews, so this dude sits in a box, and people can be like, “Can I see your horns?” and he’s like, “Actually, Jews don’t have horns, because we’re FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS.” And so on. Which I think is a GREAT idea! It’s a lot easier to talk to someone and ask them questions, than to read about an entire culture in a book.

      And yes… hair. Where is the hair? It’s all very confusing, man!!

  4. I know a guy who builds pillow office buildings. Want his number? (Don’t know if he is Jewish though. Never asked. He does have a lot of hair.) Great post. – John

  5. There should be a fan that blows on the people observing da Jew, in case he farts. Cuz most people haven’t smelled a Jew’s fart.

  6. I heard about this on NPR this morning and I was all like ‘Awesome! I totally know what the smart people on the radio are talking about because I read that post on ‘Sunny Days in DC,’ and I felt great about myself.

    • H. Stern says:

      SDiDC: educating the masses, one blogger at a time. I’m curious though, what did they say? Also, do you know how to change your signature thingy on here? Mine says something about licking faces, but I want to change that. This is entirely unrelated, except that one thing is ABOUT Jews, and the other is a Jew asking you a question.

      • Yeah, I changed mine once, and I have no idea how I did it, other than that I sat in front of the computer clicking on a bunch of different things (maybe under the ‘appearance’ tab?) and eventually got it. Let me know if you figure it out! (Also, I will remove the licking description tag thing from my blogroll by your link if that helps!)

  7. Le Clown says:

    Hannah,
    Don’t bother with the Smithsonian… It’s now invaded by actors, and none of them are Zooey.
    Le Dick in a Box Clown

    • H. Stern says:

      I’m gonna put you in a box, so you can sing that song. And possibly opine on front of a live studio audience.

      What do flaming clowns eat? I’ll feed you Cheese-Its.

  8. Jort = Jean Short. Just sayin’ xox

  9. […] of Bones? Hannah curses, a great fucking deal. You’ve been warned. And she writes stuff like Fuck a Box, I want a Pillow Fort!!! (you’ll have to read the post to understand the title, lazy wanker). So […]

  10. Haaaa! I make pillow forts for my niece and nephew on Sundays so that my parents don’t have to chase them all over the house all day. Once they have a nice blankety pillow fort, they hang out in there until my sister shows up. It’s like their own little magical space.

    Also, if I were put into a box, I would like it to be made at least partially out of cheese. Because then I could snack if I got hungry all alone in my cheesy box.

  11. List of X says:

    At least this person in a box doesn’t have to convince anyone he’s Jewish. I had to, and it’s a weird feeling when people try to take away your box.

    • H. Stern says:

      You had to CONVINCE someone you were Jewish? How do you do that? Just…. if you say you’re Jewish, like…. isn’t that it? Who were you convincing? I’m fascinated now. Is this a conversion thing where someone didn’t recognize it? Because I have some friends going through that now…

      • I’m not Jewish by faith, but my grandmother was Jewish which makes me Jewish by ethnicity. Right? That’s what my Jewish girlfriends tell me.

        • H. Stern says:

          By Jewish law (in whatever category you want to put THAT), you’re Jewish, as long as it was your mother’s mother. Any children you have will be considered Jewish. If you go near any Chabad, they will try to pull you back in… that could be good or bad depending on what you want out of your life.

      • List of X says:

        I am Jewish by blood, but not by faith – I’m an atheist. When I mentioned that to one of my co-workers, who is a Muslim, he tried to convince me that because I don’t follow the faith, I don’t count as a Jew. We had a lengthy conversation, where I tried to explain that ethnicity, faith, national/cultural identification and nationality in passport can all be different (which is the case for me, and for that co-worker for that matter). While he agreed that some of these things are different, e.g., Jew is not the same as Israeli citizen, and vice versa, he could not accept that Jewish ethnicity and Jewish religion are not the same. The discussion ended when a third co-worker sent this link to both of us: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jews#Who_is_a_Jew.3F – because Wikipedia is never wrong 🙂
        Personally, my definition of Jew is simple: you’re a Jew if you’re Jewish enough for Nazi Germany to send you to a concentration camp, or for Russian peasants to start a pogrom on you.

        • Sounds rational to me.

        • H. Stern says:

          So, here is that ongoing debate I am subjected to by everyone who wants to be a jackass/make my life a living hell: Who is a Jew? Right? So, are YOU Jewish, even if you don’t believe in G-D? In my book, you absolutely are, and for the very logical argument you made, but also because, while yes Judaism IS a faith, it’s also more than that. It’s a culture and history and customs and traditions. I know several atheists who fully participate in shabbat and high holy days, but they do it because it fulfills them internally, and links them to their culture and history. G-D never really plays a part of it. But that’s also very difficult for people from other faiths to understand sometimes.

          How can you have a religion WITHOUT G-D? And that’s a heavier question than I think I can discuss on one blog.

          But yes. That dude was either ignorance, or a jackass. I’m voting for jackass, because he didn’t just question you and seek answers, he kinda sounded like an asshole who was trying to tell you who YOU are, and revoke your agency in the argument.

          • List of X says:

            I’d say the guy was part each. He did eventually accept the wikipedia article as a valid argument, so I guess that means he did change his mind. He’d be one of the people who would benefit from the Jew in a Box exhibit.

  12. Bald? Guess they couldn’t decide between a cute blond and one with those long curls on the side (oh, he might be too retro/traditional for US reformed Jews?)
    Not Jewish, but grew up round a big Jewish community…some with parents who had numbers tatted on.
    Love paragraph #4… hard to believe sentence 1 in paragraph #5. (Guess our zoo is bigger in diversity than your zoo…odd times)
    Glad Le Clown sent me over here. Great read

  13. Is there an age restriction on building pillow forts? I mean, I’m 28, and I’d really, really like to construct one. Is that too old? And once it’s being built, are there things you can and cannot do? I’d like to write poetry to my dead hamster Cliff and eat cheese and pineapple on sticks in mine. I might invite friends over, but only if they take their shoes off first and respect the Pillow Fort Rules. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  14. ekgo says:

    So…here’s something horrible that little agnostic kids do.
    But before that, some background: When we bought our house, it did not come with a refrigerator so we had to get one of those and I decided on brand new because I wanted something brand new for once. Since it was brand new, it came in a gigantic box and I kept it for my nieces and nephews to play in because nothing is better than playing with a huge-as box (and that is not a euphemism)
    One day, we were having some party or another and the kids were there and we gave them crayons with which to decorate said box and…this is where it gets not very PC but also gets very related to this post – when we went out to see it, it said ATTIC on the the ouside and there was a bunch of stuff on the inside which didn’t make sense to my lack-of-artistic mind so I asked about it and it turns out they were playing Anne Frank. The box was their attic. They were all under the age of 10 so I don’t really know where this came from because I don’t think we learn about Anne Frank until middle school out here in Conservative Christian Land.
    So the Godless Heathen children were actually playing Jew in a Box. And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but it totally relates to your post.

    Also, we build kick ass forts with the kids in our living room. And then we all fall asleep in them because they get a little stuffy.

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