Sunny Days in DC

Jack of All Trades, Master of 3-ish.

In which I blog by eating hotdogs and sitting on the floor…

on March 20, 2013

So, I continue to beat on death’s door. However, I have committed to this blogging business, so I will persevere! Because I am brave. And noble.

And shockingly humble.

Anyway, in preparation for Passover, when Jews commemorate the Exodus by cleaning our house out of bread because something-something-something-Jesus-hates-carbs, my husband and I are eating all the bread in our entire house… the combinations can get weird. Tonight was just hotdogs though, cuz we had leftover buns. Ha ha ha…. buns. I’M HERE ALL WEEK, FOLKS! So, I’m sitting on the floor of my living room, eating a hotdog (I didn’t  have the bun, which, in retrospect… WTF Hannah?), and I realized what a super shitty geek I am.

Maybe someone else can relate: I LOVE Star Trek. I mean, LOVE. Like, did you know Patrick Stewart is engaged (“ENGAGE!” ha ha ha…) to a 35 year old woman? He’s 75. Guess what? I’d tap that shit, too. GET SOME GERIATRIC STAR TREKKING ASS, GIRL! I get it. And I LOVED the Sci Fi station the DAY it came on my basic cable box. I hearted that shit so. hard. And this morning, I turned to my coworker and was all, “DO YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES?! BECAUSE IT’S COMING BACK, AND I NEED SOMEONE TO GEEK OUT WITH!” and he looked at me like I had started frothing at the mouth (nope! not this time!), and backed slowly away.

But, and I can’t emphasize this enough: I hate Dr. Who. OMG BEFORE YOU START SCREAMING!!! Look, I know, ok? I know. Dr. Who is amazing and wonderful and blah blah blah…. but I just can’t get into it. So, I’m putting it out there: are there Super Fans on here who know which episode I need to watch in order to become instantly addicted? Because there’s something about Daleks wanting to exterminate, and then there’s some gay cowboy who has his own spinoff who just sorta fucks EVERYTHING because penis.

Image

*And what’s with the scarf? Is he perpetually cold? Is it a fashion statement? You’re making me feel under dressed!*

But, maybe one day, you can learn to love me for who I am, and you can watch Dr. Who, and just tell me how awesome it is while we sit in my living room watching GoT together, and eating carbs all night.

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34 responses to “In which I blog by eating hotdogs and sitting on the floor…

  1. genext13 says:

    Tom Baker as Dr. Who is for old school, die hard Dr. Who geeks. The new stuff is more pop-influenced and far better cinematography (I think they spent about 35 cents on each season for special effects for the old show). Which makes it far more watchable. You might enjoy the new stuff they are showing on SciFi. They are also showing reruns on BBC America, I think every day.

    • H. Stern says:

      It’s the new stuff that I’ve been watching…. maybe if I tried the older stuff? I don’t know. I LOVE the concept, but the execution just kills me.

  2. talimullins says:

    We don’t have cable so I haven’t seen GoT but I totally get the “ugh” factor for DW. I watched Torchwood a little (the bi-guy who screwed everyone) and that was ok but not my cup of tea. My friend and I geek out over teeny bopper shows like Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries and Community. We legit cried and seriously contemplated changing a cross-Atlantic flight a couple years ago when we realized it was going to be on the same night as the season finale of Supernatural. We ended up illegally downloading and watching it at 2 am in London and bawling our eyes out.

    I grew up in a Trekkie household. There’s a “funny” story about my dad dragging my mom down a sidewalk to get to his parents house in time to see Star Trek the original series and NOT EVEN CARING THAT SHE WAS BLEEDING until the commercials came on. She learned that we just had to be early to Grandmother’s house for our weekly Star Trek and dinner engagements (yeah, engage. I’d tap that, too.) during the runs of TNG and DS9. All that shit is normal to me. My dad knew some Klingon. He played 3-D chess. He had Quark’s Guide to Business. He had a Star Trek uniform and a garage door opener shaped like the com thingies from the original series. It’s been a few years since I watched the shows, so I forget what their called. I say people who DON’T get into a fandom are the freaks.

    I just ate a big ole plate of spaghetti, so bring on the carbs!

    • H. Stern says:

      Here’s what I got out of that entire comment: You watch Supernatural. Therefore, we should be best friends. I realize there was more to it than that… something about your dad being awesome and speaking klingon. But I really think we need to focus here on the fact that SAMANDDEANFOREVERILOVETHEMSOFUCKINGMUCH!!!!!!!!

      • talimullins says:

        holy shit I JUST NOW SAW THIS. Yes, totally besties for life.

        They’re both from Texas, where I live. My best friend and I seriously debated trying to find Jensen’s wedding location since it was about 45 minutes from where I lived at the time but felt that would be a smidge stalkerish.

        They’re my boys! My next son would get a name from Supernatural (first is from Army of Darkness, second is from The Vampire Diaries because I’m weird).

        Also…I ramble. Sorry.

        • H. Stern says:

          Weird? No. You may be one of the most awesome people I have ever met.

          I tried to name our son “Moshe” after our cat. Because he’s an awesome cat. The husband shot that idea down, which I thought was not very forward thinking of him BECAUSE THAT CAT IS KICK-ASS.

          Also, Jensen is married? You may have just destroyed my day…

          • talimullins says:

            I really hate to tell you, but all three are married. Misha to a woman who wrote a book about threesomes, (they have two adorable kids), Jared to the chick from Wildfire who played Ruby on Supernatural (they have an adorable son) and Jensen to a woman who was on One Tree Hill and the tv show Friends with Benefits…and she’s pregnant. I seriously almost cried when I read that. I have no valid reason for it, I just love him so much (I really am stalkerish). I’m happy he’s going to be a dad and that he’s happy, but still. I follow Danneel, Jared, and Misha on twitter so I get all the updates on their lives.

            If my favorite cat’s name hadn’t been Spike, I totally would have considered it for my second son. I like Elijah, but Spike would have been pretty kick ass, too. My husband veto’d as well, but he gave me Blackstone as a middle name, which most people our age agree is the most bad-ass middle name a kid can have. My mother in law hates it, of course.

            • H. Stern says:

              Blackstone? HARDCORE!!!

              And they’re ALL married? Sadface. But also, yes, of course… because they actually are REAL people.

              Ahh well. Nobody’s perfect!

  3. Ki Vault says:

    Being a Gallifreyan Time Lord is not all it’s cracked up to be, Time Lords have issues too……..like being a renegade Time Lord for instance is a pain in the arse….Human Time Lord Hybrids, can you imagine dealing with them on an eternal basis whilst living in a police phone box for fucks sake? Then every time you think you’re safe in roll the bloody Daleks , irritating voices and just how do them bastards get up stairs.
    Kirk and all who followed him had it too easy (and a bigger budget) The scarf by the way is actually a Gallifreyan inter galactic combined face wipe and comfort blanket for use in the Zero Room during regeneration.
    If you wish to be truly traumatised by syfy suggest you google Blakes 7 and weep………..

    • H. Stern says:

      I’ll have to look up Blakes 7. But here’s my question, and granted, again, I haven’t watched much Dr. Who, but…. where does he sleep? Like, ok, phone box. Clever. I like it. But with all his adventuring, he really IS all alone in the universe (and time?), I mean, doesn’t he ever just want to have a good snuggle in bed and tell the world to go fuck itself? I do, almost every other day, and I’m not a lonely time lord mucking about the universe. Just sayin. Also, bathrooms? Are there any in that box? It’s all so confusing.

  4. Ki Vault says:

    I just noticed this post is tagged Jew, thinking there may be more entertaining writers such as yourself I clicked on it……………………….. maybe not then!
    You are now more special to me than before LOL YOLO work hard play hard IMO should be followed by yes I will fuck off. Oh no that;s a different post innit?

    • FreeRangeCow says:

      That comment was effing funny!

    • H. Stern says:

      AM I the only one who uses that tag? That’s tragic/hilarious. Tragarious. Hilagic. VOCABULARY!! But yeah, I was wondering if anyone would notice that I tagged this.

      Also, the next time someone says “Work hard, play hard,” I’m going to use that line: Yes. I will. Fuck off.

      Well… maybe not the “fuck off” bit….

  5. I know you are beating at Death’s door, but are you playing Twister with Death?

  6. LOL. i’m glad you’re here all week !

  7. Jesus hates carbs! I’m so glad to finally understand Passover. Dr. Who isn’t for everyone. The Tom Baker (old) Dr. Whos used to scare the crap out of me and annoy me at the same time. I like the new stuff but I’m not going to lie to you — the Daleks are a stupid nemesis. For the longest time they couldn’t climb stairs, so to avoid being exterminated by them, all you had to do was run upstairs. Somebody upgraded them for stair climbing at some point. Whatever. Dumb. Embrace the hate. We can’t watch everything.

    • H. Stern says:

      Wait…. they can’t climb stairs? So…… they can be defeated by a sunken living room? That is a confusing and stupid weakness. Even zombies can climb stairs. Dude, my 9 month old son climbs stairs like it’s his fucking JOB.

      ….I like this show even LESS now.

      • I can’t blame you because YES — your son is more mobile than a Dalek used to be. Someone changed them so they now climb stairs but honestly, the dumbest flaw, right? They have scarier bad guys now, like these statues that move when you look away and make creepy faces. But then it turned out they can’t actually KILL you — just send you to another time period. So that’s kinda toothless too.

        • H. Stern says:

          There’s an episode of Buffy where she’s in college, and the whole town goes mute. And it turns out, the town is under a spell from some demons called “The Gentlemen.” You want a scary villain? THOSE GUYS GAVE EVERYONE I KNEW NIGHTMARES. And they never. Said. A word. They were just creepy as fuck. THAT’S how you make a villain. Not some over excited fax machine that has to be “updated” so it can climb stairs.

          OMG. REEVERS. They’re terrifying, too!!!!

  8. listen – you know the first Star Treks were the best because, quite apart from the polystyrene boulders and apricot skies, the what-makes-each-individual-character-different quota button was ratcheted right up to max, and like totally wound up toys they were all let to waddle round the bridge and bump into each other in various ways – Deep Passion Man trips up Conflicted Nature Logic Man which annoys Matter of Life and Death Man and, ooh, short skirt and lizard with throbbing brain – the formula for altering the character settings and putting them in different genre-settings (ha! did you see how I did that?) was the basis of television culture in the sixties … and Dr Who followed a British variation of the formula: take successive current stereotypes of Being British and turn the what-makes-each-individual-character-different quota button up to max: Patrick Troughton was Whitehall Institution Man loosening up, Jon Pertwee was proto Well-Off Think-I-Might-Wear-a-Medallion-for-the-1970s Man, Tom Baker was I’m-Exploring-All-Sides-of-my-Personality Man … and the others, and they fight various things to do with tin – Dr Who is a study of the evolution of British, male self-identity which got lost in the 90s; what’s not to like; and don’t knock Tom Baker’s scarf, it inspired me to take up knitting and make one for myself out of left over wool – it became a long triangle …

    • H. Stern says:

      This is the best, and ONLY, statement that makes me actually interested in Dr. Who. Ok, yes, more for sociological reasons, true, but at least I can get behind this theory. That said, the archetypes you describe are foreign to me. I don’t understand the evolution of the British male self-identity. I would need someone like you to explain what was going on, and even then, I could only ever observe, but never really grok.

  9. “something-something-something-Jesus-hates-carbs” – this was so funny that it made tea go up my nose! Kudos to you on that one.

    I have never watched Doctor Who. Over here it is shown on a Saturday night. I would rather go out drinking.

    Anyone who does not want to watch Game of Thrones with you deserves to be punched in the throat!

    • H. Stern says:

      I’m sorry (but not really) about the tea. Good for the sinuses? Meh…

      And THANK YOU for that comment, because YES! ANYONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WATCH GoT (and especially with me, because I am motherfucking DELIGHTFUL), SHOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE THROAT.

      Except not, because I went to a Quaker high school, so I don’t condone violence. Except people should watch GoT. Because it’s awesome. I JUST CAN’T DEAL THAT NOBODY IN MY OFFICE WATCHES IT! Ugh. Very upsetting. I need a nap now.

  10. FreeRangeCow says:

    Shockingly Humble. Oh Hannah! Where to start with your hilarity. Glad you are getting the bread out…nom nom nom… I am also a GoT gal (starting with the books, waaaay back). Have you happened to see the SNL spoof on it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1w4CRMQVtY

    Heal up!

    • H. Stern says:

      HILARIOUS! Honestly, that was the only way I was able to get my guy to watch it. He was walking by the tv in the living room, and goes, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!” and because he likes boobs, he stayed to watch. It just so happened it had a good plot, so now he’s in it 50% for boobs, 50% for plot I think.

      YAY GoT!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. blowingoffsteamandmore says:

    Sorry you are still sick! Hope you feel better soon!

  12. reneemaynes says:

    Love Game of Thrones so much I want to change my name to Khalessi. Great to see a show with kick ass female characters.

    • H. Stern says:

      OK! Have you read the books? I haven’t, but Jezebel had a post today, or yesterday, about GoT, and there were TONS of great spoilers from the books, and even though you think you like some of the female characters, it seems they sorta become less awesome, but then maybe others get MORE awesome. I can’t be sure. FUCKING DRAGONS!

      Also, how completely sexable is Peter Dinkledge? I don’t even know if I spelled his name correctly, but I don’t care, because it all sounds the same when you’re yelling it out in bed. OMG. Loved him since the Station Agent, but he totally blows me away with every episode. And I kinda support your name change. Not because your name isn’t awesome, but let’s be fair: Khaleesi can just fucking CHILL in a funeral pyre. She’s like, “Wot up? I’ll just be in this fire. With my dragons. Being bad ass. Lemme know when the pizza gets here.” and everyone else is like, “THAT’S A FUCKING FIRE!” and she’s like, “Yeah. I’m awesome.”

      In my head, I’m literally spinning in circles waiting for this show to come back. This is why I had to wait until the last Harry Potter book was published before starting to read the series. I knew I would be a lunatic waiting for each book to come out. I couldn’t do it. Then, I read them all like a fiend. And I was like, “Hey…. this Dumbledore sounds a little gay. Meh. Whatever.” LITERALLY THE ONLY TIME MY GAYDAR WENT OFF, AND IT WAS FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

      Ok. Thank you. I got it out of my system for now.

  13. ekgo says:

    Holy hell (sorry), did I write this? I think I wrote this post and it wound up on your blog somehow. I mean, I’m not a geek so not that part but I do not like Dr. Who. DO NOT WANT!
    Part of it is because Tom Baker (the scarf dude) scared the crap out of me when I was a kid because my mom would be watching that show when I got home from school and I was all, “Oh, geez, that guy is a scary man and I am not comfortable” but then she made me sit and watch with her because “Star Trek” came on afterward and I wanted to watch that (I think I was hoping to see more tribbles) so I had to watch the scary guy with the damned scarf.
    Only partially related: Ricky Gervais had this show called “The Extras” I think and in one episode, he’s an extra in Dr. Who, he plays a purple slug alien. And Gabe, who is trying to make me love Dr. Who and gets angry when I refuse to watch, was sitting there and I may have made him pee a little when I yelled, “THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT DOCTOR WHO IS LIKE TO ME!” because even though it was supposed to be a spoof, it was just how I remembered that show.
    So let’s get married to each other, you and I, and never ever watch Dr. Who.

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