Sunny Days in DC

Jack of All Trades, Master of 3-ish.

Like 50,000 Volts, Straight To the Nipples

on January 20, 2013

This is how my day went…


Me: “OMIGOSH!! HONEY!! A really popular blogger on WordPress mentioned me, and now a bunch of people LIKE ME!!!!”

Husband: “Yeah, that’s great… but the door is open, the neighbors are out front, and maybe you want to think about not being insane wearing a shirt when you walk around the house with your breast pump on.”

Pump: “Whirrr whirrr whirrr…”

Neighbors: “……………………………………..hi hannah………….”  o_o



Religious family friend: “What…. what is she doing?”

Husband: “She’s teaching Max how to ‘pimp slap.'”


Family friend: “She knows we’re in PUBLIC, right?”

Husband: “Well, she’s wearing pants, so…”


Two hours ago

Family friend: “It’s a game we thought you might like…”

Me: “My card says, ‘Pac Man, guzzling cum.’ This is the best game IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER!!!!”


Thirty minutes ago

Me: “Holy shit! I should write this all down!”

WordPress: “Fuck you!” *crash*


28 responses to “Like 50,000 Volts, Straight To the Nipples

  1. I love that this is tagged under “Jews.” Of course! Because we hate to wear pants, right?

  2. Teeny Bikini says:

    “Husband: “Well, she’s wearing pants, so…” ”
    Perfection 😉

  3. sociopathicuttlefish says:


  4. That was cum?!!!!?!!!!!!?!!!!!!?!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!?!!!!!!?

    My wife tells me to quit wearing the breast pump around the neighbors, too. I like cream on my Cream of Wheat.

    Someone famous mentioned you on yheir blog and now you have stalkers.

  5. punkycoletta says:

    Way too many times I have been caught walking through the house without some piece of clothing necessary for covering the best body parts, only to discover that window I just walked past that looks out over the school yard next door is open. One would think I would learn, but, no.

    • H. Stern says:

      Oh Punky…. share your gifts with the world, that’s what I say. But I also say strange things like, “If I pierced my eyebrows and my nipples, and then put a chain from my eyebrows TO my nipples, then every time I looked surprised, my boobs would get all PERKY!” so really, I may be a poor judge here.

  6. i’m laughing too , because it’s tagged jews and because i’m not a fan of pants either ……..

  7. blowingoffsteamandmore says:

    “……..sonofabeeech.” All I can think of is “I fear, you are underestimating the sneakiness.” from Mr. Deeds. Nothing to do with the story at hand but that’s where my mind went. Do you ever feel like the pump starts talking to you after you have been attached for a while? Mine always made the “Loo ser Loo Ser Loo Ser” sound after about 10 minutes. Maybe it’s just me.

    • H. Stern says:

      Actually, my husband calls it “The Farting Machine” which wouldn’t be so bad, except he does that even when I’m on the phone with my parents. He’ll yell really loudly, “MOMMY’S USING THE FARTING MACHINE!!” …which is how you know that I’m the normal one in the relationship… 😀

  8. The game by any chance Cards Against Humanity?

    • H. Stern says:

      I love you. Never leave me. Yes, it was Cards Against Humanity. We played it twice, and I kept getting the card “Like 50,000 volts, straight to the nipples.” I nearly stole the game.

  9. ekgo says:

    Is Afternoon Family Friend different from Two Hours Ago Family Friend? Because if not, that makes this even funnier.

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